Dear Africana Woman,
I went to an international school in the UK right after high school for 2 years. It was a very intense experience. At that time social media was not a thing and we spent all day and every day connecting with each other. These are people who came from all over the world. On the last day of our first year, I have a vivid memory, walking down the driveway, arms linked with a dear friend Kurt and we were balling our eyes out. We had just said goodbye to our seniors and we realised that we may never see them again. In that moment, it felt like I had lost an actual body part. It was really painful. I cried all the way on my train to London and to the airport. The other passengers must have thought someone had died. But I think there is a part of my heart that I closed off that day.
I have never really experienced that sort of environment since. Like I said it was intense, there was intentional connection and attention to the people around you, and few distractions. Yes everyone moved on to continue their lives in different countries, yet what stays true is whenever I meet a friend from that time we pick up the conversation as if we saw each other just yesterday.
In 2017 I remember visiting my roommate who has two kids and a husband. We were chatting away for hours and her daughter was shocked that this woman she had never seen before had so much to talk about with her mum. Another time I went for my juniors wedding, and we had not seen each other in over 10 years. My dayz, I was balling like a baby because I was so happy for her. And another friend of hers said to me "How are you so emotional?" That's just the way it is, my UWC family are deeply etched in my heart and no time or distance can change that.
But the truth is for a very long time I did not want to make 'other' real friends and have to go through the pain of saying goodbye. I have moved around A LOT, to different countries and to different towns in Zambia. People have told me Chulu, you need to make friends. Then there is the fear of making friends as an adult. Everyone seems to have their crew, their clique and you think about the energy it would take to fit in and ultimately decide it's not worth it. Then there was also a period when I realised I actually did not have female friends. Maybe I was tired because I come from an all female family, I went to an all girls boarding school for 5 years. I was Femaled out. lol.
Yet here I am the founder of a Women's Community. How did I get here?
When you don't see what you want, create it
In 2019 I joined a year long mastermind. A mastermind is a group of people who come together to support each other in a specified way for a specific period and usually has a leader. It was a women's only mastermind and it reminded me about the beauty of deep intentional friendships. Now the women were based in the USA and I was this random chick in Zambia. So when it was done, I really thought about what community means and what was I looking for in my relationships.
I decided I want:
authenticity. can I just be me without having to pretend to be anything else
genuine celebration of each other. where we do not feel threatened because of someone else's success. Where we know just because my light is shining bright it does not dim someone else's light
growth. I am constantly growing, learning, evolving so if you are not like that being around me will eventually agitate your spirit.
accountability. one of the sure proven ways for you to achieve your goals is to set up accountability systems in your life and if you can find that from your friends, your community even better.
joy, love and peace. these are my absolute yard sticks that I use to measure the quality of my life. If I am not feeling these things then that thing is probably not for me.
Every day Africana Woman teaches me to open up my heart a little more. I have been doing this since 2020 and in the women I have witnessed the growth, the self love, the expansion, the soaring, the BIG GOAL getting ... oh my what a privilege. I am so grateful that I get to this every day.
I actually just had a conversation with an Africana Woman Visionary, Tatie and she said "Imagine we lived in a world where you could live for a very long time. Would you be able to be in that relationship for the next 1000 years?" Yoh guys this is deep. What she is saying is we fight so hard for mediocrity; mediocre jobs, mediocre relationships, mediocre experiences, mediocre environments. Ah we put so much energy into keeping them but you only have 50 or so more years to live. You don't have a 1000 years. Why would you settle for a relationship that is not giving you life. CHE! mic drop
What I am saying is I LOVE doing Africana Woman. I LOVE the relationships it has gifted me. I love the experiences I share with these beautiful women. I could do this for a 1000 years.
Now if you are that girl who doubts female friendships or doesn't quite know how to make friends as an adult, I want to invite you to try Africana Woman out. By the way, the community is not centred around me the founder. You get to bond with whoever your heart connects with and create beautiful friendships that have got nothing to do with me. I see this over and over again. So try us out.
In fact, a great place to start is our upcoming Africana Woman Festival which is on the 2-3 August. That's like 14 days away. All you have to do is go to our website to get tickets.
It's that simple.
Alrighty. Catch you another time.
Lots of Love
Chulu
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